Can preschoolers be grateful?

The kids broke their train table. Apparently it wasn't important enough to take care of it. So my lesson for next week? They will have no toys. They will have no movies, tv, or games. I realize they are only 3 and 4, but I know my daughter will do anything to please her little brother. I'm not here to entertain them 24/7. I've already lost my sanity and cannot wait for the free 8 hour overcrowded babysitting service called public school. Will it work? Will absolutely no toys teach my kids to be grateful for what they have?

I've got a lot of projects going on around the house. Filing, cleaning kitchen cabinets, starting a new diet, keeping the house clean, etc. Plus entertaining children. Why not? Seems like I do this everyday. Nonstop- even when hubby is home. I'm so bored as a SAHM, but I seriously cannot get a job (even with my college degree). So I'm stuck at home with a 3 and 4 year old pulling my hair out and grinding my teeth.

My son pulled out his dresser drawers last week. This week he and his sister broke the train table. This makes me wonder what they will break next week?

They've already gotten into the board games in the living room. At 8am, the living room is spotless (other than needing vacuumed). By noon, the living room is covered in game board pieces. I ask them to pick it up in thirty minutes before lunch. The rule is if they don't pick up, they don't eat. I'm not a clean freak, but after I clean the house, I expect it to stay clean for at least one day. That's apparently too much to ask for. Their thirty minutes fly by and they are wrestling each other on and off the sofa. Without much complaining, there was still some, they marched off to their rooms or at least in that general direction. Without lunch.

I'm not one of those moms who sits on the floor with them and plays with them all morning. I did that for their first two years of life. They aren't babies anymore. They want to get up and move-which is absolutely fine! Go ahead! Go outside and run around! But don't expect me to hold their hands every step of the way. I've got a house to clean, meals to cook, and laundry to wash. They can entertain themselves. I don't have the car most days, so they are usually playing outside (and getting into mommy and daddy's stuff although it is put away) or inside, tearing up the house (after I just cleaned it). My hair is literally starting to fall out by itself around noon everyday.

This morning the kids actually helped me clean. They attempted vacuuming the hallway which was very sweet of them. Then they fought over who's turn it was before they realized it was too heavy to push. My daughter helped me pick up the bathroom floor (since it was mostly her clothes). They helped this morning, then decided to pester mommy for a snack. Why do they think I always have snacks and meals ready to eat whenever they get hungry? You don't know how many times I want to tell them to make something themselves. I can't though. My daughter will literally try to cook something.

Last night they cleaned their room with Daddy, which was fantastic. However, today at naptime, I heard them playing, so I yelled at them to go to sleep. Forty-five minutes later, I hear crack. I get up (filing is today's project) and walk through the house to find both kids in my son's room with his clean socks and underwear all over his floor. He informs me that sister helped him put his socks on. Great. I just hope he doesn't pee all over his clean clothes.

If I could go back in time, I would do a lot of things over. This is not what I wanted to do with my life. I'm so frustrated all the time, I can't get a job anywhere, and have added spanking to my hobbies apparently. That'll look great on my resume. I'm not that great at actually doing anything, let alone being a good mother. I've learned to accept and actually be grateful for what I do have in life. I know my husband and kids love me no matter what and yet I keep trudging through this life because its the only one I'll ever get.

The kids will be in school soon enough and life will get better. I hope next week will teach them to appreciate what they have in this world without toys, movies, or games.

~Thanks for reading this frustrated mom's post~

What to do?

All of my life, I've never wanted to do one thing. I've wanted to do anything, everything, plus travel. I wanted to be a bus driver, an architect, a landlord/property owner, a college instructor, and an author. Have I accomplished any of it? Not one. Life changed for me after high school. Not that I was Ms. Cheerleader, President of Class 2004, or really anything. I met my husband during my senior year of high school and during college (as I changed my degree several times), we got married and had kids. During college.

Would I change any of it? Do I regret the decisions I've made? Just college. I wish I had gotten a more technical degree like I planned to do in the first place, but other than that, nope. Nothing I regret...at least until 7pm- bedtime.

Life never goes the way you plan it to and right now I could be a famous best-selling author or a property owner if I hadn't had kids. Heck, if I really tried and worked at writing, I could write a book. Who knows? The only thing that really matters is family.

I called my grandmother in Oklahoma tonight. She and my grandfather are such an amazing couple. They've been married around thirty years and more or less put up with each other. My brother and I use to stay with them for one week every summer until we turned 17. Its sad to see ourselves growing up and not going back to visit every summer like we use to. Although the grandparents understand us having to pay bills and take care of our own kids, I miss not having to worry about bills and appointments. Hubby and I talk about going back to the Midwest to visit for the past three years now. It's extremely hard to do when all our money goes towards bills. And we aren't extravagant.

Of course moving cross country really doesn't help us to visit family easily, but with Skype, it can be done in seconds. That's one great thing about technology! You can be there without actually being there.

So what am I going to do when the kids start school? I have absolutely no idea. All that I know is that I want to be there to pick them up from school. I know I won't be able to have a six figure income with a part time job, but knowing that my kids and hubby are safe and cared for, then I know my job is complete. I looked into going back to school. I would love to go back to the community college and take some classes, but I'm not sure I know what I want to do still. Additionally, we can't afford to the bill or another loan. We're having a hard enough time trying to pay our car loan. Heck, I'm having a hard time getting the kids to actually go to sleep!

Maybe I'll become one of those extravagant homesteaders that grows all of her family's food. Or make a six figure income writing this blog (highly doubt). All I know right now is I'm a stay at home mom with no real direction for when the kids start school. Maybe just maybe I'll take a couple community classes on photography or write the next Red colored cookbook that everyone has in their kitchens. God is the only one with the answers. I'll just keep trying new things and driving around California until I find the answer.

Thanks for reading!