What now?

Christmas is in 8 days. 8 days of listening to Christmas music, watching those rerun Christmas movies, and hearing those deafening bells at every store entrance. What am I doing? Absolutely nothing. All the presents are wrapped, my house is filthy, no one is packed, and here recently, I'm booking photography sessions because I'm offering a free session to build my portfolio.

This year we didn't decorate the house. Why? Because why pull everything out to decorate the house for that one materialistic day that we won't even be here? There's no snowflakes anywhere to be seen, no children listening, and mostly, I just plainly don't care this year.

I'm worried. Like so many other parents, my daughter is going to be five next year and I have absolutely no idea what I am going to do. Yes, I have hobbies, although none of them are real money makers. Yesterday and today I sunk into a really bad state of depression. If only I had gotten a better college degree I wouldn't be in this foul and negative state of mind right now.

Business, as I have found out numerous times, does absolutely nothing without marketing. So any idea I have, I can't just show it to one or two people, it has to be hundreds. So I thought, why not start a blog? Eventually I'll have readers and maybe some company will want to advertise. I'll set my goal at $2,000 per month. My only problem is there's not many garden, cooking, or biography-type companies wanting to advertise on a small unknown blog. Heck, I probably aren't even writing any sense.

Everyone has been telling me "to follow God's chosen path". Seriously? I'm not an atheist, but I think God would have said, don't get married or have kids. I seriously want to do something with my life. I never wanted kids or marriage in the first place, so now I'm stuck with it and am trying to find a way to promote myself. I hate depending on hubby for absolutely everything. My new goal is to find a job or something that will put my husband to shame.