Thursday, September 20, 2012

What to do?

All of my life, I've never wanted to do one thing. I've wanted to do anything, everything, plus travel. I wanted to be a bus driver, an architect, a landlord/property owner, a college instructor, and an author. Have I accomplished any of it? Not one. Life changed for me after high school. Not that I was Ms. Cheerleader, President of Class 2004, or really anything. I met my husband during my senior year of high school and during college (as I changed my degree several times), we got married and had kids. During college.

Would I change any of it? Do I regret the decisions I've made? Just college. I wish I had gotten a more technical degree like I planned to do in the first place, but other than that, nope. Nothing I least until 7pm- bedtime.

Life never goes the way you plan it to and right now I could be a famous best-selling author or a property owner if I hadn't had kids. Heck, if I really tried and worked at writing, I could write a book. Who knows? The only thing that really matters is family.

I called my grandmother in Oklahoma tonight. She and my grandfather are such an amazing couple. They've been married around thirty years and more or less put up with each other. My brother and I use to stay with them for one week every summer until we turned 17. Its sad to see ourselves growing up and not going back to visit every summer like we use to. Although the grandparents understand us having to pay bills and take care of our own kids, I miss not having to worry about bills and appointments. Hubby and I talk about going back to the Midwest to visit for the past three years now. It's extremely hard to do when all our money goes towards bills. And we aren't extravagant.

Of course moving cross country really doesn't help us to visit family easily, but with Skype, it can be done in seconds. That's one great thing about technology! You can be there without actually being there.

So what am I going to do when the kids start school? I have absolutely no idea. All that I know is that I want to be there to pick them up from school. I know I won't be able to have a six figure income with a part time job, but knowing that my kids and hubby are safe and cared for, then I know my job is complete. I looked into going back to school. I would love to go back to the community college and take some classes, but I'm not sure I know what I want to do still. Additionally, we can't afford to the bill or another loan. We're having a hard enough time trying to pay our car loan. Heck, I'm having a hard time getting the kids to actually go to sleep!

Maybe I'll become one of those extravagant homesteaders that grows all of her family's food. Or make a six figure income writing this blog (highly doubt). All I know right now is I'm a stay at home mom with no real direction for when the kids start school. Maybe just maybe I'll take a couple community classes on photography or write the next Red colored cookbook that everyone has in their kitchens. God is the only one with the answers. I'll just keep trying new things and driving around California until I find the answer.

Thanks for reading!